Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
