2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Farmville is her only friend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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