bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
