Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
