so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pants are for mortals
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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