just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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