Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
