: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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