My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
