I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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