I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
