Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize