Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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