i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
