The maid of honor just puked.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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