I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
