Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize