Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
