the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
