I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
did i just pee glitter
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