so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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