I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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