btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
