In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
