sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
