She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize