when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We left an ass print on the piano.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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