You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
