Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
