So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
