He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
