I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
