Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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