Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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