I'm passing your future prison.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
