You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize