what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
