so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
