yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
