Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
