remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
