hell yes lets make some ravioli
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
