if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
