she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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