Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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