so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
