well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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