i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
