This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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