Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
