Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
