In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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