just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
