and i looked up. we had an audience...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
