btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
