Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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