I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
