I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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