this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
